Liminal Luminous

a wandering, wondering space of devotion, creativity and freedom.

Amanda Palmer vs. Nick Cave

I’ve written before about Amanda Palmer and how she makes me so uncomfortable with her work, how vulnerable and open she is. How I subscribe to her Patreon and then have to stop again and it just gets to me time and again. 
And yet, I adore Nick Cave’s blog ‘The Red Hand Files’, where he answers his fans questions, about a wide ranging set of topics, but all of which are addressing the deep philosophical and spiritual questions of life, including his creative practice.

I wonder why I love his work so much, yet Amanda makes me slightly horrified? Is it because Nick’s work is primarily shared through writing and his albums are widely spaced? Because his is more considered, whereas quite often Amanda’s is deeply raw and stream of consciousness and she shares through music and video at quite a rapid pace at times? 

I think it is in ‘the Art of Asking’ that Amanda says that her husband, Neil Gaiman (who is one of my favourite authors), uses his experiences in his work, but normally after it has been through the blender at a level ten setting, where as her work has barely gone through the blender at all. 
Nick’s work doesn’t feel like it has been blended as such (Neil Gaiman’s stuff is proper fantasy work and more than a little weird), but definitely refined. Maybe it is a jus (as in the reduced sauce which is intense and flavourful).

Or is it simpler than that and Amanda’s work horrifies me as it is so raw and vulnerable in a way that I cannot comprehend, because I still have trouble sharing my true self with others- hell as the recent posts have show, I struggle to let myself see it. I find it tough asking for help and letting others see me as I am for fear of rejection. I post here, far more than on my other blog, because this isn’t attached to my name…. I’m still convinced the reason I censor even here is I worry about being ‘found out’. And this is the prime thing which stops me doing the writing I really want to do. 

Or is it even a case of internalised sexism? That I don’t like how she owns and proudly displays her femininity, sexuality, in all its power, beauty and pain? That she shares videos and photos of her life in such a raw state that I cannot comprehend. Or is that deep jealousy and that is how I want to live my life?

Either way, both Nick and Amanda share beautiful work and I will continue to work this through as I am convinced that they both have lessons for me to learn

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