I mentioned my pilgrimage at social group I go to the other day and the facilitator said ‘I didn’t know you are a Christian’. I laughed and said ‘yes, a heretical, rebellious Christian, but yes, a Christian’. It’s funny that came out like that.
I guess it shows how uncomfortable I am being a Christian, how it still causes conflict within me.
That I have to qualify what I am saying because I don’t want people thinking I am a Christian like those ones. Like the Christians who stopped me becoming a Christian in the first place. The judgy ones (yes, I am deeply aware of the irony in writing that). The ones who seems to take their faith from a place of hate, not love or joy.
The ones who spew bile all over the place. Or those who seem to think that being a Christian means living a life of gloom.
I am a panentheistic Christian, who takes their identity as a child of God, and the grace of God’s love is given to all, regardless of their actions or how messy (or not) they are. That is most important part for me – that God’s son came to live on earth to spread joy and love, and to experience the pain of human suffering. Which enables God to understand our lives more, not by saying everything is great. But yes, you are suffering, I know that pain and suffering too.
To bring heaven to earth, not sod this place, it’s all fine cos heaven is waiting if we are good.
I don’t know, I found it funny that came out of my mouth, when asked, I’m going to sit with that for a while.