Guardian Jobs is addictive for me.
I sit there and I look at all the cool jobs I could be doing, working in London full time for some great organisations, working on fabulous projects.
I forget that I like huge amounts of time to myself, being able to wonder about in the wood, oh and only a few short years ago I worked myself into a physical breakdown: my body forgot how to walk and function on a day to day basis.
In my mind I am suddenly able to work full time and earn lots of money. Because lots of money would mean we could make the bedroom a whole lot nicer, not to mention fix the study which is a ghastly shade of yellow and there is a hole under my husband’s desk which is getting worse…..
But it is not the important thing. We have more than enough to get by on. I’ve had a tough year in my business, which is because the arts sector has been hit hard and I am not the only freelancer struggling to find work. Previous years I have done OK. None the less, this is not the reason to jump into doing work which will make me ill. Which will take away from what I want to do, which is to be connected to the divine and to align with my true self/higher self/God’s will/Holy Guardian angel/insert the right word. I suspect creating – music, writing, photography is a core part of that, but I do worry that is my ego talking.
I also need a lot of time to take care of myself. Although I have made a marvellous recovery from how ill I got, I do not want to go back there. I have to spend time exercising, I seem to need at least 9 hours sleep a day on average and I have got to have extended periods of peace and quiet. Does any of that sound like it is compatible with five days a week in a London office, complete with 3 hours of commuting? No it does not.
I have a PLAN for this year and I need to stick to it. Not get suckered into the lure of bright lights of a well paid and exciting job, which will make me miserable as it takes me further and further away from my true goal.