This is me…no wait! this is…no – this!
There I times when I feel like there are multiple versions of me and they are all in conflict with another. It’s a recurring theme here.
I tend to wear jeans and hoodies at home (or walking clothes) and smart jeans, shirt and v-necks at work. Very much ‘don’t look at me clothes’. Mainly in blue or grey. Simple, easy and practical…But there is a part of me that wants to wear long skirts and my head wraps. In green and purples and burgundies. Not in bright colours, but muted ‘summer’ colours. But still, patterns and colours. Flowing lines, skirts and shawls.
I want to pray, walk by the sea and in the woods. I want to be alone. I want to be a writer, photographer and musician…I should focus on actually getting a career and becoming a coder. I want the security which comes from a job.
I want the freedom to create, and bimble about museums and art galleries for inspiration….I should get on and do a proper job.
I don’t wear any make up and I drag a brush through my hair. I want to wear pretty lipsticks and have my hair nice.
I want to live in a city (although I am fed up with London)… I love the space of the West Country (I am in Dorset as I write on a family holiday)
How do I reconcile all these versions of myself?
I am 40 this year. I do rather feel like I should have this sorted out. I think this is another version of the practical vs mystic argument.