Liminal Luminous

a wandering, wondering space of devotion, creativity and freedom.
Mental health

Tiptoeing into the unknown

I think I am getting to the point where I know what I want to be doing with my life, in fact I have always know, but the fear is stopping me from heading there.

I have lived my life wrapped up in shoulds and musts, worrying about what other people think of me, what they want from me, what the expectations should be. Now I am beginning to move away from that, to live, rather tentatively towards what I want. It’s only taken me nearly 40 years….

There is a lot of hesitancy in what I am saying, I am not chucking everything in and throwing myself into this. It’s hard to override my instincts and learnt behaviours. These are steps down a new path, one that I am unfamiliar with, with roots and branches ready to catch me and trip me up.

Even higher levels of kindness and compassion are called for, as I tiptoe down the new path. That I listen to what I want, to fulfil my needs, not anyone else’s expectations.

Of course, there are no guarantees, it’s not like I know that I will succeed, it’s not like if I follow the path it will lead to a sunlit meadow with pretty flowers that I can skip through (although that image makes me laugh). Regardless I know this is a path that I need to explore, otherwise I am going to either go completely mad, or live my life in bitter regret.

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