Liminal Luminous

a wandering, wondering space of devotion, creativity and freedom.
Disability/Chronic Illness Living well Mental health Spirituality

Wrapping my hair

I love to wrap my head.

I don’t do it as much as I want to…

Why do I wrap my hair?

It’s complicated…

I feel so much calmer when I wrap my head, I feel like it reduces the amount of input I have to process, the slight pressure reassures me.

There is a part of me which thinks I feel prettier and more feminine when I wrap, especially as my default clothing choice is jeans and a tshirt.

I feel closer to God, that it is easier for me to feel part and with her. Again, I think it is the pressure of the fabric. There is even a positive feeling that I need to be my better self when I am wrapped – I haven’t quite figured that out yet… I think it is something about marking me as a child of God and I love that, but haven’t entirely got my head around it either. I feel more devoted, and as that is a core desired feeling for me, I think that’s a good thing.

When I was sick I became allergic to hair dye (I’ve dyed my hair since I was 13, it was purple when I got married), my hair went very grey and it changed texture. I didn’t have the energy to do anything with it, or myself. Wrapping my head in a variety of scarves and a quick slick of Clinique Chubby Stick (it’s like a crayon, not a proper lipstick which needs a mirror and precision), made me look and feel better. When I seemed to be in hospital every week this was a way for me to look and feel better when I didn’t have the energy to do anything else.

On my anxious, depressed days it holds me together. I used to wear beanies and hoodies, but this is a much nicer way (for me), there is an act of self care in wrapping my head, again the slight pressure is a hug and it reduces the input of the world.

It makes me feel elegant.

It seems to make me invisible, which I quite like.

I feel an affinity with other women who wrap. I do feel part of a sisterhood, which I never feel otherwise. When I see wrapped women and I am not wrapped, I feel jealous and spend ages looking at their wraps.

Why don’t I do it more then?

It is a ‘thing’. People think you have cancer. Or are a Muslim (which, in some people’s opinion = bad). My hsuband doesn’t like it – although he encourages me to wrap as he knows it makes me feel better.

It seems to carry baggage. People read things into it.

It marks you out as ‘other’.

Having said that, aside from family, I’ve had nothing but positive comments about it.

See… like I said – it’s compllicated.

 

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