Liminal Luminous

a wandering, wondering space of devotion, creativity and freedom.
Living well

Be you

I’m beginning to think the key to a happy life is surrender. Everything is easier when you surrender to where you are now and how you are, rather than fighting to change it.

My illness got a lot easier to cope with, and indeed get better from (not cured, but a vast improvement from my collapse), when I surrendered to where I was, rather than railing against it all the time.

I have always been a solitary person, on the outside of groups, which is why I have ended up as the stage manager/project manager/event manager, rather than centre stage, as it were. I have always enjoyed solitary pursuits – running, swimming and above all reading. I have a handful of close friends, all of whom I see individually rather than in large groups.

Until quite recently I have beaten myself up for that, I should have more, be more outgoing. Even on my recent pilgrimage I realised that I wasn’t enjoying listening to other people’s chatter, nor did I want to join in, I actually wanted to be by myself. And then I just accepted that, rather than berating myself for not being more sociable.

I’m logical and creative. I am beginning to regret dropping A Level maths for Theatre Studies though, I suspect I would have had a very different, and probably happier life. I did a Theatre Studies degree, not really suitable for my introverted, solitary ways. I wish I had accepted myself a lot earlier in my life, rather than now as I approach the end of my thirties. Still, I’m not dead yet and there is still time to craft a life which suits me.

On Renee’s urging I have looked at the Enneagram and, like Myers-Brigg I am not surprised by my outcome – I’m a 1, a reformer and an INFJ on the Myers-Brigg. It is useful to know this and work with it, I will be doing further research around this to understand myself better.

I think we are supposed to be who we are to the best of our abilities, rather than a poor version of someone else.

2 Comment

  1. It doesn’t help that so many people seem to want themselves and everyone else tidied into neat little boxes. you get labelled logical or creative, not both… academic or practical, sporty or bookish and so on. Bloody unhelpful!

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