Boxes and Labels
It’s been a while hasn’t it? And why is that? Because I got hung up on labels and boxes. Exactly where I fit in. What tribe do I belong to? Why am I doing this bloody blog anyway?
So many questions. As it is always for me.
I think I will always be a seeker and a questioner, of the divine, of my truth, of what is my service and what is my tribe and my people…. sometimes I seem to forget that nearly everyone doesn’t know the answer to these questions. Some people are happy never even thinking about those questions – and truth be told sometimes I envy them. But other times I don’t. I enjoy my own bimbling along the road as I try to figure out the answer, and more often than not, not finding the answers and learning to actually accept that and to live with it.
These days I am holding Rainer Maria Rilke’s quote about questions close to my heart and to try to fully embody it.
“ be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
It is in my prayer book and I return to it again and again, because it speaks to me. To live now and not worry about the answers.
I try to put myself in a box and label myself….. which never works out. Which is a shame because I actually own a label gun and I like things neat and tidy. Bare minimalist if possible.
I am not that person who does one thing. I am trying my best to accept that life ebbs and flow and there are seasons for things, including my own interests. I regret getting rid of my expensive electric piano which I lugged from place to place. I had to replace it with a still expensive keyboard that is nowhere near as good. I regret getting rid of all of my fabric and textile goodies. I want to embroider and sew at the moment…. having given away all of it, including two sewing machines….There are times when my husband is right and should be listened to – he told me not to get rid of those things. (shh…..don’t tell him…..)
It would be easiest if I could put myself in a little box, with a nice clear label on it – I am this, this is me. But that is not the way the world is, nor I am. Maybe I could collect labels instead, or take great joy in not having a label. Or taking several ridiculously all encompassing labels which are enigmatic in their own way. Or even, and this is radical….stop worrying about it altogether…