Liminal Luminous

a wandering, wondering space of devotion, creativity and freedom.
creativity Disability/Chronic Illness/Mental health Living well Spirituality

Change of thinking

Here’s a funny thing. I decided not to blog on here each day as it doesn’t contribute to my main creative works.

But, since I made that decision I haven’t done any writing at all. When I do write this blog, somehow I end up carrying that on and working on my main project too.

How daft is that?

Maybe I need this accountability, of posting each week day, to help keep me focused on writing.

It’s very easy to get up, skimp on my morning routine to crack on with my client work and forget about my important work.

So, back to this again. And I’ve decided I need to be even more honest with myself. I’m just a Jen, who is a creative, spiritual, mystical being. I’m not tying myself to any one religion, because that which I have been seeking is inside myself. Deep within me. I guess I am back to being a solitary practitioner, as much as I don’t want to be, because there isn’t a spiritual home for me anywhere else.

And although my husband may think I am a logical, practical person, which I wrote about at length here, when I go back through my journals, at any point over the 15 years I’ve been keeping them it’s not long before I come across a page talking about how I want to be a spiritually wise person. I want to be someone who spends time in deep contemplation, and even, if I am brutally honest, someone who people turn to for help and advice, probably in the form of my writing, but who else. That used to be the case. I used to be deeply empathic, and I switched that off years ago because I couldn’t deal with the overwhelm that it can bring. I still struggle with it, so maybe it is time to try to work with it.

I saw the audiologist this week (a follow up from my session with the hearing therapist) and she said that hearing can easily be affected by being stressed out, she gets that too. But she also said that a doctor once told her that all of her medical issues could be attributed to her personality. She said that was a horrible thing to think about, but actually that could be true. But she also said that is can be a gift too.

So what about if I try to look at my neurological quirks as gifts, as part of my personality, but work with the positives more – the artistic, musical, poetic side. The side that does want to wander around in the woods with her camera and notebook. Why don’t I indulge that more and look at it as a positive gift. That it forms part of my sensitive soul which allows me to write and create.

Radical change in thought patterns, a changing away from a medical, I am seriously broken,  frame of mind and more to acknowledge that I have an artistic temperament and that’s ok, that actually it’s a really good thing.

Hmm, big shift in thinking, we shall see how it plays out.

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