Liminal Luminous

a wandering, wondering space of devotion, creativity and freedom.
Spirituality

Communing

There is a part of me who wants to serve God at a deeper level, that I need to offer more to God, or at least open up to God more. 

But I love playing the flute in my band, I want to play my violin more and spend more time taking photographs. 

I like working too, my new job is ok, the work is stressful, but the company is great. I hope over time to move out into a more technical role and spend less time dealing with the phone. 

I think this brings me back to my continual fight between the two sides of me, the spiritual and the technical. My husband once told me I was a techie not a mystic and I cried for an hour. But the technical side of me is why I like my job. My creative hobbies, music and photography both have as much to do with technique as much as art. I enjoy programming. 
Yet, I leave work at lunchtime to take refuge in the church, or walk by the river. I need to take that time to get close to God. 

How do I balance this deep calling to commune with God with coding? That is not a rhetorical question! I am being open about the fact that I am Christian at this new job, which feels like a massive thing. At this time of year it is saying I have given up chocolate for Lent… I work in a technology company. This feels like a big deal. 

Frequently I spend my train journey listening to music, looking out of the window and listening to God. I walk and try to hear God. I’m trying to open my heart and mind to God as much as I can…but right now that doesn’t feel enough. 

There are times that I think my urges to write here, play music and do photography is enough, that maybe that is God whispering in my ear…then the doubt sets back in again

5 Comment

  1. I recall Penny Billington saying at Druid Camp one year – a mystic is someone who wants to be with God, a Magician is someone who wants to do with God. I don’t know if that’s a useful way in, but it might be – you are clearly someone who does things 🙂

  2. Can you offer all your coding, photography, flute playing – all of it up to God? Can you find a way to serve God and commune with God through all the coding, photography and flute playing? Can everything you do in your day be an offering to God?

  3. Posted too soon. Can your coding take on prayer like qualities? Your photography be in gratitude to God? Your flute playing your way of expressing your sheer joy to God.?

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