Liminal Luminous

a wandering, wondering space of devotion, creativity and freedom.

Have a little faith

Oh wow, I came across this little video series featuring Nadia Bolz-Weber a Lutherian Pastor (Forgiving assholes is my favourite! ) and thought – that’s it – that’s what I want.

I want my church to be like that. Although these days I look fairly normal (aside from when I wrap my hair), with a tiny nose piercing that’s it, I know that actually I am not welcome in a lot of churches – mainly due to the fact that I’m bisexual and although I’m in a monogamous, heterosexual marriage (I really didn’t see that coming) I won’t deny that aspect of myself.

The fact that I refer to God with the feminine pronoun, or that I had a really messy youth, means I don’t fit in to my traditional Church of England space, which is mainly older white working class people…

Not only do I want my church to be as inclusive as hers is – I want to speak like her, I want to talk to people like that about God. I was crying as I watched these videos. What she says is so powerful and relevant to so many people’s lives. Nadia made me remember that, despite the fact that I’m not overly happy in my church, that I have oh so many issues with Christians and even more with The Church, that I can’t step away from Jesus’s messages.

There was a baptism at my church on Sunday and it made me think because part of the service (I’m paraphrasing), included the words ‘don’t be ashamed of Jesus’. And quite frankly I am often ashamed of following Jesus, not because of him, but because even saying the word Jesus makes me wince. Because I am still embarrassed to be a Christian. Even though I went to a Christian festival last year (and would this year if I didn’t have to attend a wedding) and go to church most weeks. I cringe when I see people evangelising and shouting through megaphones in the high street. Really? Has that ever worked – ever?! I suspect not.

Nadia’s bold proclamations resonated with me, because of who she is, what she has to say and how she says it. I would love one day to be that bold and brave.

2 Comment

  1. I love the work and message of pastor Bolz-Weber. I cry too when I watch these videos.
    Let’s challenge each other to be that message to our own spiritual communities, in our own personal way. Sometimes I think, I need to find a church group like that. And other times, I think I need to be that to my community.

    I think we need a ton of grace for our own messy lives and for the lives of everyone around us, even the street corner evangelists. To me, that’s the gospel. Grace for you, you, you, you, all of you. The challenge is accpeting that grace for ourselves and doing the hard work of living in that freedom, because it means really loving other people, ack!!

    You are that bold and brave.

    1. Thank you Renee for your comment, yes, grace is the key message for me too, and oh how I need it. And yes, I too feel like I want that church and I need to be that too. I do push a little, but I want to be brave and bold too.

      Ah, loving other people, so hard

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