Searching for connection
I yearn to have a deep connection with the divine. Regardless of what group I am exploring my spirituality with, the ‘form’ of the divine, that tidal pull towards IT** is inescapable, I am powerless to resist, and I don’t want to, I want to be swept away with IT, to be at One with the divine.
How do I allow that to happen? How can I create the right situation for that to be the case.
It is not so long ago that the ‘allow’ in the sentence above would have been ‘make’. One thing I have realised is that you have to make space for it to happen, it isn’t something you can force into being.
I completely understand the appeal of becoming a nun (or a monk) and being able to dedicate one’s life to IT. Fully immersed in prayer, with spiritual companionship all around, not to mention the trappings of ritual to help lift one. But I am a married woman, I love playing my music, seeing my friends, being with my husband and dog. I love the work that I do and I would like more of it and I am training to be a programmer too.
So how can I, with an everyday life, keep IT as the soul and centre of my being?
Listening to those small nudges is important, not dismissing them as being silly. Allowing time I think is key, not rushing from here to there, but lots of quiet moments to reflect and ponder. And of course I say all of this as a woman who is child free. I know full well that all of my friends my age have young children, they barely have time to complete a train of thought before they are interrupted, let alone find quiet time for prayer…
There must be away for all of us to access the divine wherever we are in our stages of life, including those who work long hours, either as paid work, or the incredibly exhausting (and yet underrated) work of being a mum to young children.
**Note – I am not happy with IT as a for the divine. It is a very cold pronoun for something so wondrous. And yet, I am no longer comfortable with a gender specific pronoun, either male or female. And unfortunately the word ‘God’ comes laden with baggage, as does Jesus. I need a new word…