Liminal Luminous

a wandering, wondering space of devotion, creativity and freedom.
Living well Simplicity Spirituality

Searching for the perfect

I sometimes have this thought that if I could just find the perfect THING … everything will be well.

If I find the perfect bag I will only have to have the one bag, making my quest for simplicity easier.

But then we get into the realms of needing a bag of holding from Dungeons and Dragons, or using an extendable bag charm, like Hermonie in Harry Potter. Not to mention it would need to be able to change its form so that it suits all of the different ways I dress, or when I only need a few bits, or my laptop, swimming stuff, music stuff, or whatever…

And of course, if I could find the perfect outfit then I would only need multiples of that, rather than different things to suit different situations.

But then, while I wear shirts and smart trousers with clients (either my photography or consultancy work), I wear t-shirts and looser trousers at home. I could sit here in my shirts, but then my shirts would wear quicker and my ironing would increase (never a good thing). Not to mention they would get ‘Bustered’ – covered in hairs and slobber, which would mean I wouldn’t be able to wear them the next day. I am happy to wear the same home clothes two days running (although not in the recent excessively hot weather), which saves on washing, but I always wear clean clothes to client meetings.

Plus of course due to the sheer muddiness of Buster, even in the middle of a ridiculously hot summer he still finds mud and water – well he is a spaniel, I wear my walking clothes – those I wear for several sessions. Gym clothes need to be washed each time. I am such a sweaty Betty…

So that is four different types of outfit, never mind if I have to actually go anywhere like a wedding, although I’ve pretty much decided that special occasions get my nicest shirt and trousers, rather than a special dress just for the occasion.

I suppose that actually they are all alike, I don’t turn up to client meetings in a floaty dress one day, a suit the next and a high fashion thing the next (it’s rather telling I can’t actually think of an example for this). I’m always in shirt and smart trousers. This way I can create mix and match outfits, which I guess are a sort of uniform, even if it is not like a school uniform.

OK then, but what about the perfect plan for the day? If I find the perfect routine it will allow me to get the maximum amount of work done in the quickest time, all the housework done, Buster walked, me exercised, and everything else done. But life isn’t like that. Especially life with a chronic illness, because things change day by day. I’m always trying to figure out if I can come up with the perfect spoon equation and all will be well and I will manage my life perfectly with nary a flare up. And, most importantly I would actually get my creative work done, as well as paid client work and maybe other creative endeavours too.

And what about food? I have my breakfast totally sorted out now, black coffee while I journal and then a homemade green smoothie primarily made from frozen fruit and vegetables, with nut butter and spirulina. As it is all frozen or store cupboard I don’t have to worry about things going off and food waste, which I really like. I’m currently experimenting with Huel for lunch, but as two portions and then a healthy dinner. In the few days I’ve been trying this is works well and I hope the Huel will work out. The dinner bit… that’s going less well. I seem to totally run out of energy in the evening and even if I know what I am supposed to be cooking it doesn’t always work out and we eat far more takeaways than I am happy with. I really hate eating takeaway, for so many reasons, I don’t even enjoy the food for the most part…. And yet, I can’t get my head around cooking properly like an adult. We used Hello Fresh for a while, but I couldn’t bear the cost…. I have so many hangups about food. Which is why I keep trying to find the perfect system for that too.

If I could manage to get all of these things perfect then I would never have a meltdown because everything is too much for, clothes – sorted, bag – sorted, food – sorted, daily routine – sorted. Everything would be perfect and I could get on with life without worrying about all of these things, all these decisions which take up precious run time in my brain.

I think my striving for simplicity is to try to make life easier, to be able to glide through life more without catching on sharp edges of the world, or for my brain to get hung up on…

4 Comment

  1. Oh yes, the challenges of an Enneagram type 1. (not to diminish you or label you as a type but this is so 1). Interestingly I just interviewed someone with the exact same type as you Enneagram 1, INFJ for a project i’m launching this fall. I think you’d love listening to that interview. I’ll be talking about it on my blog so you won’t miss it.

    I liked this: I think my striving for simplicity is to try to make life easier, to be able to glide through life more without catching on sharp edges of the world.

    to not catch on the sharp edges of the world.

  2. I have at least got the bag figured – it is scruffy but so am I and no one at the moment needs me to be anything else. it can carry any and all of the things, and I keep my emergency kit in it – phone, wallet, rescue remedy, re-hydration tablets and kendle mint cake, plus often water and a toilet roll… because nothing is every entirely simple…

    1. I too carry re-hydration tablets, they make such a difference if I am even slighlty dehydrated everything falls apart. I have a little kit bag of stuff which gets transferred from bag to bag, including teabags, penknife, tissues, emergency £10 etc…..

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