Liminal Luminous

a wandering, wondering space of devotion, creativity and freedom.
Disability/Chronic Illness/Mental health Spirituality

Too much

I recently had a job interview for the role of Marketing Director for a music charity. I didn’t get it and I didn’t have a key bit of experience, which another person did – fair enough, I am fine with that. Disappointed, but fine.

But, what the interviewer also said was that I was ‘too enthusiastic’ and two of the panel found me ‘too much’.

Wow, it is now a month later and I am still hurting about that. I’d like to remind you this was a role at a music charity, not an investment bank. And music is my passion, I credit it as being one of things which got me out of my wheelchair and fog of utter exhaustion. So yes, I am passionate about it. The company focuses on amateur music, it wasn’t the Royal Philharmonic.

I wasn’t dancing about the room, but I did tell my story.

It was very hard not to take this feedback personally. It was a personal comment.

I spent a long time thinking about how I need to tone me down (her suggestion for future interviews), that I needed to change how I am in interviews and that I am too much for some people.

After a while I thought, sod that, I am who I am. If I do try to change that passion then I will altering who I am to fit in with other people. That is a recipe for long term hurt.

Being the sort of person I am I keep replaying that comment in my head, but I am trying to let it go. One thing I am slowly learning, after many mistakes and mishaps is that actually the only way I will serve God and be happy is to be me as best I can be. This obviously wasn’t the right thing for me, and actually I have realised that I need to stay as a freelancer, not take a paid position, even if it is only part time.

Have you felt pressured to fit in with other peoples’ expectations of how you should be?

4 Comment

  1. Too much for their small little minds and closed little hearts. Too much passion for a bureaucratic system where people aren’t meant to be people let alone individuals but instead resources that don’t have personality, opinions or intelliegence. Take it as a compliment.

  2. I’ve spent much of my life with a mute button on, and it does not make me feel good. lLke you’ I’ve been told I’m too much, too intense, too serious, too emotional, but also too cold, too hard and logical and unfeeling… And I have stopped modifying myself to fit other people’s narrow and soulless expectations. It feels a good deal better. What kind of fool doesn’t want to take on someone who is passionate about what they’re doing?

    1. Yes, learning not to modify so much is difficult isn’t it? I think it is only something I have become aware of recently and I am at the very beginning of this process. I suspect it will take me as long to unlearn it as it did to learn it in the first place

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